So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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