this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
