A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
