neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
