I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
