If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize