I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
