we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
