when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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