capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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