I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
