I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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