so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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