i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
