there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why are your pants in the freezer?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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