I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
