i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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