he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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