my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
