you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
