last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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