JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
