I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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