after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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