just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
