this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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