I'm gonna have a badass scar
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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