i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize