the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
