omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
