420 ftw
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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