so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He better not be in your backpack
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
