I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize