using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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