all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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