The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
