She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
