to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
