I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
