Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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