Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
