Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
