im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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