There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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