Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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