hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
