this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
