I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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