so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
