big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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