sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
