Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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