i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
