I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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