let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
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Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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