Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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