He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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