i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
