Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
