oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
