I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
