Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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